Re-write in third person

narrative

After my creative writing Master Class with MJ Hyland I set about taking in some of the suggestions in order to improve my writing. One of these was to amend the narrative voice to third person. This is my attempt. I am not entirely sure about the complete change of narration, but feel that it has definitely given the story a better prologue even though the characters voices now seem diminished somehow. Have a read and let me know what you think. I have also sent this back to Maria in the hope that she will give me some further guidance, and will of course share her thoughts here – should my attempt prove fruitful.

MJ_hyland_rewriteCh1

Xx Linda

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